I thought I had myself all figured out, until I discovered there was more to me…
When I got my first job out of college, everything was great. I worked on nice projects. I was surrounded by knowledgeable people. I wanted to know what they knew.
For the first two years, I was eager to make something out of myself. I absorbed a lot of information, worked late hours. Little by little, I became an important member of the team.
I worked hard and I worked fast. Clicking away at my computer, I would ignore my body’s pleas to get up and walk around. When I took bathroom breaks, I rushed things, eager to get back to my desk.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I neglected ME.
Stress and tension were growing inside my body. It was perpetually tiring to carry both of them each day. I woke up later and later each morning, asking: Where is my energy?
The physical pain of waking up turned into emotional pain. I became jaded, had contempt for my job and I was downright nasty at times. Just totally negative.
My insides were burning, fueled by disdain.
I became dispassionate about my work. I started to question if I belonged. Was I meant to do this? It wasn’t clear to me.
I burned until I felt all dried up inside.
I saw my childhood dreams of being a grown-up fade away.
I felt confused. I thought the work I did would give me satisfaction and the drive to continue to play my part in society. As a child, my dreams were so clear about what I wanted to do in life.
My main occupation would give me the reason to be. I had a strong feeling about it. I felt suited for it…
Until, I grew out of it.
My focus was not there anymore. I didn’t feel my job was worthy of my time. This cannot be all there is to life, I thought.
I was spiritually lost.
Time was slipping away from me. Most of it went to my job, working for others and on their projects.
I wanted to work on myself instead.
I wanted my life to count for something greater.
There was a pain I felt aching inside of me. I had a thirst in my heart. I wanted to know if there was something more to me than the skills I mastered in a dull and meaningless job.
That’s when I started my journey on personal development and…
Luckily, I found Tai Chi.
Now, I can’t tell you that my path leading to discovery will be the same as yours. But whatever you are looking for, whatever pain you are trying to heal, there is an answer for you within Tai Chi.
My pain became physical to me when my body atrophied from sitting at my desk all the time. That one position limited my circulation, resulting in less nourishment for my body. I became weak. I winced at how far my body can stretch and reach.
Tai Chi is more than physical. It’s also about the mental and emotional development for living a complete life.
Mentally, I was fighting battles with distraction. I was worried about what I was going to do next rather than focusing on the present moment. There were pressures to get ahead by pushing people to the side.
Emotionally, I was struggling to work with colleagues, feeling unsure with clients and having disrespect for my bosses.
Tai Chi steered me away from all that. I no longer spend too much time on external matters. Rather, I focus on what is true from within.
So if you want to change your life, you have to look at it from several angles.
First, be aware of your body. Be in touch with what’s happening inside and circulate the chi where needed.
Second, observe your thoughts. Your life is a reflection of the stories you tell yourself. So be mindful and tell good stories.
Third, be conscious of your emotions. Understand your attitude. You’ll change your circumstance when you do.
Heal yourself internally on all 3 levels!
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